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【心动的文书】兴趣起源不重要?如何用一段话毁掉你的PS
王佳雯(Claire) 2023年05月10日
阅读量:1546

王佳雯

2022年度“妙笔生花奖“、2022年度”最佳口碑奖“,擅长文社科和商科的文书写作,结合学生背景和申请专业特色挖掘个性化素材。秉承着文无第一的宗旨,已帮助近百位学生新获港三新二英国G5名校offer。

 

兴趣起源通常作为一份PS的开头段落,往往决定了招生官阅读的阅读初体验和对「我」的初印象,能够让他们更直观地了解「我」的动机和目标,重要性毋庸置疑。然而,从PS的通篇结构和内容上看,兴趣起源涉及的专业性似乎远比不上科研和实习经历相关的陈述,因此,很多同学在构思这一部分时,常常由于缺少明确的事件或专业内容支撑,便泛泛而谈,“天马行空”。

 

今天#心动的文书#栏目,将与大家探寻如何另辟蹊径,把兴趣起源表达得更加明确和扎实,呈现出一份高含金量的personal statement。

 

跨申不展示自己的专业能力和思考,“娓娓道来”追忆人生

  • Before

In the past, I was not really good at learning English and I didn't like learning English. 【欲扬先抑,但对跨申来说表述过于暴露短板,且后续内容过于平淡没有“扬”起来,只有“抑”带来的负面印象】Later, I enrolled in an extra-curricular English learning course. The teacher was funny, had a thorough understanding of English learning and was able to explain the grammar that I used to find confusing in an easy-to-understand way, which made me interested in learning English. And during his lessons, he would also share his stories with us as he saw fit, which was very inspiring to me. 【流水账式回忆,主体从the self偏移到the other】For the first time, I realised that a really good teacher can have such a great impact on students. Through this teacher's guidance, I gradually felt the charm of English and found a way to learn English later in my studies. I hope I can become an English teacher and teach English to more students who are as confused and uninterested in English as I was, so that more students can learn to learn English and feel the charm of learning English.【空泛套话,语气不坚定】

 

  • After

My interest in English education and learning was already budding early. As my undergraduate major involved international business communication, which required certain English language skills, I once took an extracurricular English course that was completely different from the cramming English teaching model I had been receiving. 【正面表述,强调本科国际商务与英语学习的关联,以及对英语教学模式的关注,贴合申请专业】The instructor would teach English based on the underlying logic and theories of English linguistics, providing me with my first glimpse into the scientific framework of English education. Subsequently, out of interest, I independently studied many theories related to pedagogy, educational linguistics, and intercultural studies, as well as engaged in the XXX volunteer teaching project.【将陈述主体从the other引回the self,重点展示自己后续的专业积累】 During this experience, I not only changed my role from a language learner to a language teacher, but also felt the meaning and value of language education through exposure to real-life teaching environments and subjects. This sense of achievement inspired me to take the next step along this path. 【深挖思考,拒绝“感受到了英语的魅力”式套话,承上启下】Therefore, after a period of deliberation after graduation, I chose to return to my hometown, a small city in southwest China where teaching resources were relatively scarce, to begin my formal English teaching practice. In these two years, I gradually realised the space for further improvement. Therefore, I decided to continue specialising in English teaching to improve my overall professional foundation in both English and educational aspects.【联系个性化经历,兼顾情怀与专业度,聚焦于「我」】

 

  • Analysis

【案例背景简介】:国际商务跨申TESOL

 

不难发现该生原来的表述打算采用的是欲扬先抑的手法,以原先的“不擅长/不感兴趣”来对比烘托当下的“擅长/兴趣”,但因为后续花了大量篇幅陈述某个老师的影响,偏离了PS本该聚焦的「我」,导致招生官既不能从开头那样的“抑”式表述中感受到「我」的专业度,也不从后续内容中感受到「我」的意向度,对于跨申来说非常不利。

 

因此,修改后的内容直接转向正面表述,交代从国际商务跨向英语教育的最初兴趣萌芽点,使得大跨(商科跨语言教育)变得合理,同时借机展示「我」对相关现象和教育模式的关注。后续以某老师的教学方法引入,但还是明确「我」的主体,初步展示自己的理论基础、相关背景和主观思考,开门见山地告知招生官:「我」是有资质申请你们专业的。最后结合自己的边远地区教学经历,以“教育资源的平衡分配”为切入点,引出自己的教学理想和情怀,晓之以理,动之以情

 

不顾申请专业的侧重,一股脑堆砌看似贴合的内容

  • Before

It was during my teaching classes at university level that I first experienced the fascination of teaching as a teacher in the classroom. In courses such as Teaching Phonetics and Phonetics and Teaching Vocabulary and Vocabulary, where I was able to do simulated teaching exercises in the classroom, I was greatly motivated by the advice and comments I received from my classmates and teachers, and I also found that I discovered that teaching is really an art, and how to make students learn efficiently and happily is something I have been thinking about. In addition, in some of the teaching theory courses, such as Introduction to Chinese International Education, Language Teaching Methodology, Research on Teaching Chinese Abroad and Introduction to Second Language Acquisition, I have also gained a deeper understanding of the development, tasks and prospects of my major. I have also acquired a lot of professional knowledge related to language teaching. Driven by my passion for education and the desire to enrich my teaching experience and improve my teaching skills, I obtained my international teaching qualification and my domestic English teaching qualification, and I have actively participated in external internships.【教育相关的课程、专业背景堆砌】

 

After all these experiences, my passion for education has grown and I hope that I will be able to further my studies and attainments in this field, expand my horizons, increase my experience and make more achievements in the field of education and contribute more to the cause of education for humanity.【套路式陈述动机】

 

  • After

Majoring in Chinese International Education and having worked closely with children of all ages in my teaching practices, I am more concerned than ever with youth and childhood studies issues, especially the psychological crisis of children and adolescents.【从本科教育相关专业+几段教学经历覆盖了各个阶段的学生引入,开始关注青少年研究板块,重点:心理健康问题】 According to Report on Child Suicide in China (2021), nearly 100,000 adolescents and children die by suicide each year in China. The large population and tradition of social struggle dictate that many children are forced into violent involution. 【基于《中国儿童自杀报告》官方数据编写,展示「我」对青少年心理健康问题之社会成因的分析:人口基数过大+中国社会“奋斗”的文化传统】As a result, the pressure of schoolwork and competition undoubtedly becomes a major contributor to the high rate of youth suicide. During my internship as a K12 Chinese teacher at Xuesi, the Ministry of Education issued the Double Reduction Policy (reducing the burdens of daily homework and extracurricular training for students in compulsory education), which prompted me to re-examine the nature of education and the possibility of a truly benign development model for children. 【结合自己的教学实习经历+国内的双减政策】Moreover, I began to crave further study of the psychological and social mechanisms that shape the behaviour and values of children and adolescents. Therefore, I am now applying for your Child Studies programme.【从前面的批判性思考和研究报告分析引出具体的academic interest,加强意向陈述。】

 

  • Analysis

【案例背景简介】:本专业申请教育大类,选校组合同时囊括侧重教学实践与侧重批判教育研究的专业。

 

该生主申教育相关专业,其中利兹大学的儿童研究虽然仍然在教育学院下,但是相比常规的教育专业,这一专业更侧重教育研究而非教学实践,对申请人的社科理论和方法基础存在一定要求,尤其是心理学和教育社会学相关,如:发展心理学、认知心理学和社会心理学;统计学和研究方法等。并且,申请人对相关现象的敏感度、批判思考的能力也是考察的主要维度。

 

因此,修改过的后兴趣起源并没有像原来那样机械罗列自己的教育理论和教学经历背景,而是转向强调「我」在学习汉语国际教育以及在参与各个年龄段教学实践过程中,关注到的青少年心理危机等问题,而且并不能点到现象即止,还需要进一步点出原因:人口规模过大、竞争激烈、内卷文化使许多儿童承受了巨大的压力。这种主观思辨正是PS中的亮点。随后再跟学生在某教育机构实习期间遇到“双减政策”的背景事件,使得重新审视教育的本质和儿童的培养模式的目标变得合理。段落最后指明之后的具体学术兴趣:进一步研究塑造儿童和青少年行为和价值观的心理和社会机制,奠定全篇真诚而坚定的基调。

 

无视院校&专业的显隐性要求,沉浸式“自我表达”

  • Before

In my sophomore year, I participated in a Chinese and foreign student exchange event, similar to an English corner, in which I interacted in groups in class and then freely on campus. I was put in a group with an American student. I had a class with him and had coffee with him, and it was 31 December 2015, soon to be New Year's Day. We talked about New Year's Day, Chinese New Year and Christmas in his country. I used my speaking and listening skills to discuss with him about festive topics.【事例陈旧,过于基础】 Since then, I have wanted to communicate with people from different countries and cultures, to experience the clash of different languages and to understand the cultures of different places, and I also had the idea of teaching Chinese to foreigners, so that the world can appreciate the charm of Chinese, and also to teach each other and learn more about the culture and language thinking of other countries, and to realise my own value while imparting knowledge to others. So I want to study hard and study deeply in professional language and intercultural studies to strengthen my language skills and intercultural communication skills.【过渡僵硬,套路化,且篇幅过长】

 

  • After

Majoring in journalism has equipped me with the basic qualities of a journalist. After graduation, I did not hesitate to choose a career as a news editor and joined Shenzhen News, a subsidiary of Shenzhen Press Group. However, with my dedication to journalism practice, my ambition gradually grew, and my future development direction was clarified. I hope to join top news agencies such as the BBC, Reuters and Xinhua as an international news reporter or professional editor. However, most of my previous exposure has been to domestic journalism, indicating that I still have a long way to go before becoming a qualified international journalist. Therefore, I would like to study professional writing in English, the cultural background of various countries, and the differences in word usage in international contexts in depth at my postgraduate stage. 【根据Leeds网申系统的要求,直接开始回答第一个模块的问题,用职业发展目标连结本科背景和申请专业】

 

The University of Leeds is renowned for its quality research and education, and the MA in Professional Language and Intercultural Studies will provide me with an in-depth understanding of globalisation and intercultural contexts. The courses like English in International Communication, and International Organisations: Context, Theory and Practice will strengthen my prior background and offer me international insight.【结合学校和专业来写,利兹大学极其看重申请人对专业的了解度和意向度!!】

 

  • Analysis

【案例背景简介】:本科传播相关专业,申请利兹大学的专业语言与跨文化研究专业。

 

利兹大学通常虽然没有特定的PS限制,但是这个专业必须注意学院提出的隐性要求:PS建议在500字左右,建议包含 (1)你为什么选择这个专业项目; (2)就课程内容和特定模块概述你的背景和以前在该领域的研究; (3)展示你对模块的理解,你会选择学习哪些模块以及为什么; (4)这个项目将如何帮助你实现职业目标; (5)解释为什么你对利兹大学提供的特定课程感兴趣,特别要提到为什么我们的理论重点与你相关。

 

不难发现,利兹大学在每一问中几乎都要求申请人结合他们的专业来写,对why programme看得非常重,因此原来的兴趣起源只用一个英语角的“朴实”经历引入,后续也没有结合申请专业来写,很容易被招生官判定为敷衍,甚至有可能收获拒信。修改过后的内容直接从本科新闻——之后想往国际记者版块发展——需要进一步提高职业语言表达能力;增加对跨文化交际的了解——Leeds的这一专业正好满足需求。整条逻辑链下来既能使得跨申合理化,又营造了一个对专业意向性&与专业适配性极高的候选人形象。

 

 

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