心动的文书专题：cliché的素材书写

很多同学在进行素材撰写的时候会发现：「我」没有案例上那种吸睛的国际大赛经历，也没有高含金的产出或研究项目；有的只是平平无奇的课设或毕设，好一点的会被评为优秀论文，差一点的也就仅限于完成而已；参加的实习也只是负责一些基础工作，接触不到行业的核心，「我」又怎么能写出深刻的行业洞察和发展前景？而他们不知道的是：平平无奇未必会逊色于新奇的经历，只要角度把握精准，cliché的素材也能俘获招生官的心哦。

之所以会觉得素材老套是因为大多学生的描述和感悟都是人云亦云，没有真正融入自己的思考。所以，要想让cliché变novelty，关键在于走脑的操作+走心的感悟。这样，才能让招生官相信，你有能力且有内涵。

今天#心动的文书#栏目，将与大家探寻如何另辟蹊径，将平平无奇的经历妙笔生花，呈现出一份高含金量的personal statement。

方法一：化「泛」为「具」，申请动机更明确

Before

I grew up in a family of merchants, and this environment has instilled in me a strong interest in marketing. 【家庭影响：家人从商】I believe that good marketing can create greater value for businesses and drive industry development. 【专业认知：营销为企业创造价值】In recent years, the Hanfu industry has been thriving, and Chinese-style products have gradually gained recognition. As a cultural inheritor, I think that a good product can only form a virtuous cycle if it is sold. Therefore, marketing and cross-cultural research are essential to promote the development of this industry... This gave me a new perspective on the inheritance and revival of traditional culture. I feel that it is a great pity if national culture cannot be well inherited. 【营销作用：能传播传统文化，推动国货走出去】As a result, I decided to start my own business in the future or work for a culture-related company. To achieve this dream, I chose to study international business at the Sino-foreign cooperative Nottingham University in Ningbo, and learned Japanese to experience Japanese culture and learn from their ways of inheritance and management.【本科背景：学习国际商务，日本文化和继承管理方式】 Now, as I am about to graduate, I hope to have the opportunity to deeply study marketing and acquire more marketing knowledge, in order to make a greater contribution to cultural inheritance and development【做出成绩：致力于文化传承与发扬】.

After

Since junior high school, I have swooned over Hanfu culture. I am familiar with its history, design and development status and always hope to convey its charm to more people. 【深受汉服文化影响】When serving as the Minister of Chinese Culture Community at the University of Nottingham Ningbo China, I was committed to cultural publicity from etiquette demonstrations that present the coming-of-age ceremony for men of Han nationality to historical stage plays that immerse audiences in the rich tapestry of China's past... Through my efforts, I have successfully organized Hanfu fashion shows and curated workshops that showcase the beauty of traditional Chinese attire and accessories. Utilizing social media platforms, I have attracted a wide and diverse audience, captivating them with Hanfu culture, including makeup styles from different dynasties and the art of creating intricate sachets and necklaces adorned with precious gems.【大学期间致力于多样的文化传播科普活动：汉族成人礼，中国历史舞台剧，汉服科普，历代妆容饰品等，并成功获得了大批量的受众追捧】 All these successful experiences have made me aware of the important role that marketing plays in promoting the development of the cultural and creative industry. 【意识到营销在文创产业的发展中起的重要作用】Being an ambitious girl who wants to bring prosperity to the culture industry, I recognize the necessity to learn advanced marketing theories【希望让文化产业更加繁荣】. As such, I am determined to pursue a Master's degree in marketing that can help me achieve my goals. I am confident that I can play a significant role in advancing the cultural and creative industries, bringing the beauty and complexity of Chinese culture to a global audience 【联系职业规划】.

Analysis

原文的兴趣起源涉及的点其实很多，但是讲的很泛也没有「我」切实相关的事例；一是整体逻辑线不够清晰。既想体现「我」受家庭因素培养出的商业素养和对营销的行业认知与运用，又要把营销和「我」对文化产业的继承与发展结合来说明未来的职业走向，二是没什么新意。这是因为常规的申请要素过多，各要素之间的联系又不紧密且没有详细阐述，导致了这样形同流水账一般的议论。

因此，修改后的PS是删去了行业分析和家庭相关的内容，而是从学生的经历中挖掘出「文化产业营销」这个点，先是讲清楚「我」对中国传统文化的热爱是我在大学期间开展多元文化营销活动的一个刺激点，然后围绕「文化营销」细致展开「我」如何运用媒介策划营销，并收到了良好的营销效果--受众对文化的认知和热爱提高，由此生发为文化产业贡献的职业理想以及要实现这一理想还需做的努力。这样层层递进，以时间线串联，不仅佐证了「我」与传统文化的渊源由来之深，还以具体事例如举办成人礼仪式、对历史妆容，褙子，香囊，璎珞制作等的精讲来直接烘托「我」利用营销宣扬传统文化的技巧，一步步点出营销是助力文化产业兴旺的重要工具，也就自然过渡到学习营销就是「我」实现未来目标迈出的关键一步。这样在前面把整体的基调和行业联系明确好，后面的经历选取和阐释择校原因的针对性就会更强。

方法二：由「小」见「大」，小事也显大技能

Before

I interned at McKinsey from March to June 2022 as a data analytics intern.【实习岗位：数据分析师】 The company provides various services related to university professional development, teaching quality and improvement analysis, enrollment evaluation, graduate training quality evaluation, and student growth evaluation.【公司的服务范畴：为高校提供专业建设咨询、教学质量与改进分析、生源与招生评价、毕业生培养质量评价、学生成长评价等】 My responsibilities included data analysis and report writing using Python and Excel. 【职责：数据分析和报告撰写】Despite feeling pressure to quickly learn the necessary tools and methods, I completed my tasks within a week and learned to believe in myself and do things carefully. 【亮点一：快速学习能力】Under the guidance of my mentor, I became more proficient in data visualization and familiarized myself with the application of Python and Excel, report writing, and making presentations.【亮点二：熟练运用Python, Excel和数据可视化】 I also gained an understanding of the workflow and main tasks of data analysis work, 【了解数据分析主体流程】and believe that I will continue to improve my skills in future studies and work.

After

Encouraged by my growth in the China Undergraduate Mathematical Contest in Modeling (CUMCM), I secured a coveted position as a data analyst at MyCOS in 2022. 【解释开始这段实习的背景：在中国数模大赛上培养了很轻的数据分析能力】My primary responsibilities involved meticulously cleaning and processing data, alongside compiling comprehensive reports for the company's diverse range of analytical services in conformity with universities' teaching and enrollment. 【简述职责的同时把公司的服务内容也化用在内】Despite the demanding nature of my role, I quickly acclimated myself to the multifaceted operations within a week. 【优势一：多领域任务处理能力】Throughout my internship, I gained insights into how to effectively visualize complex data sets using advanced computer software.【优势二：对复杂数据集高效率地可视化】 With a sharper analytical perspective, coupled with proficiency in Python and Excel, I have expanded my horizons and deepened my understanding of the role of a data analyst.【优势三：对数据分析这一岗位的洞察加深】 I am committed to relentlessly pursuing breakthroughs in this dynamic and exciting field.

Analysis

原文就是中规中矩的按照中文提纲把实习岗位和地点、公司的服务介绍、「我」的基本工作和成长依次写好，没有「硬伤」却存在一些「软肋」：首先是开头，很明显可以单独成段的一节内容，和上下文没有一条联系紧密的线索；其次是对公司的介绍，虽然是为了方便招生官了解该公司的性质，但是没有很好的和自己的数据分析师这一岗位结合，存在的意义就被削弱了；第三是在证明「我」运用分析软件处理数据时提到了「导师指导」，这样会让「我」的自主数据分析能力大打折扣；最后就是和「我」未来的规划转的有点生硬。

修改后的PS是把缺乏联系的各个环节进行了优化。首先结合上一段的数模竞赛「我」也是负责数据分析，而且在这过程中能力提升，所以「我」有信心担任数据分析师这一岗位--将上下文做一个逻辑过渡；其次对「我」负责的基础工作进行了放大--是对公司涵盖的各项高校教育教学相关的数据进行清洗、分析、可视化并产出报告，巧妙的把公司的工作重点和「我」所负责的结合，避免了各点之间的割裂。第三，「我」在处理数据过程中体现的能力和优势也直接放大，概括成「我」的多任务处理能力和软件操作能力；最后，基于之前放大版的能力，引申出「我」对行业的认知加深才比较合理，也由此坚定「我」对未来在数据分析岗位上做出新突破的信念。通过这样的「放大」处理，事与事之间的合理性加强，「我」的数据处理能力在实际环境中的运用也显得更有说服力，更生动。

方法三：知「微」见「著」，宏观能力更匹配

Before

In my third year of university, I took a course on sensors which included both experiments and independent design projects.【项目内容：传感器实验和独立传感器设计项目】 The experiments were conducted at night, lasting around four hours each, and required precise data collection and processing. Despite the exhaustion and the possibility of errors, I never thought of giving up, believing that persistence would eventually pay off. 【实验的现实困难：晚上实验且耗时过长】During one experiment, I discovered a large discrepancy between the calculated and actual fitting lines, and found the cause to be an inappropriate gain adjustment in the differential amplifier. I improved the setup and obtained precise results. 【实验一：找到了导致计算拟合线与实际之间差异的原因—差动放大器的增益调节不合适】In another experiment, many of my peers encountered issues with the speedometer, but I managed to find a working one, and received praise from the teacher during the final presentation. 【实验二：换用转速台实现良好的呈现效果】For my independent design project, I had to measure the diameter of a stepped shaft using a non-contact method, with a resolution of 2μm. After careful consideration, I opted for a fiber optic displacement sensor and received a good grade for my design. 【自主设计：选用光纤位移传感器实现高分辨率的非接触式测量阶梯轴直径】This practical experience enhanced my proficiency in applying professional knowledge to real-world problems and taught me the importance of paying attention to details.

After

During my junior year, I undertook a challenging case study that entailed conducting and recording data from 20 experiments.【点出项目主题：实验并记录20次实验数据】 To ensure success, I devised a comprehensive organizational plan that prioritized my daytime studies while also accounting for nighttime experimentation and potential emergencies. 【项目之前：进行细致的实验规划，合理安排时间并预测可能的突发情况】My meticulous planning paid off in spades, as I was able to fine-tune trial details such as adjusting the differential amplifier and maximizing efficacy through the use of an optical fiber displacement sensor. 【操作过程：有效调试实验细节比如调整差动放大器和改用光纤位移传感器】My ability to anticipate potential issues and proactively problem-solve resulted in minimal losses and optimal results. 【成果显著：损失最低且结果最优】I firmly believe that my potential in scheduling and proactive problem-solving skills will prove invaluable in analyzing complex logistics systems and making preparations for logistics problems in advance【能力反思：统筹规划和解决问题的能力对于分析复杂的供应链系统有很大的助益】.

Analysis

原文是一篇严格意义上来说更适合电气工程类的课设经历，整体上没有特别显著的和物流管理相关的点可以用。如果单纯的照搬不仅不能添彩，反而会削弱「我」的竞争优势。过程中的波折也体现的不深，虽然有反思，却因为偏离项目要求的技能而让整段经历显得拉垮。

修改后的PS之所以保留这段经历，一是基于「我」目前只有一个供应链相关的实习，为了不让PS经历显得过于单薄；二是因为换个思路，其实这段经历也可以变得相关且出彩。修改后的PS没有从传感器设计的角度入手，而是抓住了「20次实验」和「成果显著」这两个点，分别切入「我」如何对整体的项目流程进行设计安排，如何优化过程中出现的问题，这样来靠「统筹规划」和「解决问题降低损失」，而这两个点就和工业物流系统设计的目的挂上钩了；同时，「我」在实验中对放大器和传感器的处理也能体现「工程」相关的素养。所以，这段经历虽然也比较常规，没有特别的亮点，但是从「细枝末节」入手，可以提取「宏观适配」的技能，而且这些能力也是「我」之后实验顺利实现最低损失的保证，这一点也是物流系统希望能实现的，这样再往物流行业上引申会显得更水到渠成。